Weiss is Stuck in a Blender
by God Emperor Penguin
Summary: When Weiss accidentally uses a shrink ray on herself, she ends up stuck in a blender.
1. Weiss is Stuck in a Blender

**Summary: **_When Weiss accidentally uses a shrink ray on herself, she ends up stuck in a blender. _

**Weiss is Stuck in a Blender**

**RWBY**

_Written from the perspective of Weiss Schnee_

* * *

Dear diary, today sucks.

I accidently used a shrink ray my dad sent me, for reasons I cannot possibly fathom, on myself and now… now I'm the size of a raisin. And stuck in a blender. Blake was cooking stuff earlier and _gah_!

Just perfect. _Perfect._

It's fine. It's fine.

Stay cool, Weiss. Just stay cool…

Wait. Zwei is here.

Yes! Zwei, please. For once in your adorable little life please tip this blender over so I can escape! Aw... look atcha you! Aren't you a good boy... Fiddling your paws on the buttons... wait... wait...

Wait… no. No! _NO_!

_That's the button for puls_-!

* * *

_Weiss wakes up in cold sweat._

**Weiss:** Oh... oh my... that was... a horrible dream.

_Ruby rolls in the bed beside Weiss. Ruby nudges Weiss._

**Ruby:** Weiss... go to sleep...

_Weiss sighs and smiles._

_She brushes Ruby's hair and kisses her forehead._

**Weiss:** You're right. Good night, Ruby.

**Ruby:** Good night Weiss.

**Zwei:** _Good night Weiss..._

* * *

_Weiss is Stuck in a Blender Fin?_


	2. Cure for the Common Cold

**Summary: **_Weiss is sick and needs Ruby to administer a suppository._

**Cure for the Common Cold**

**RWBY**

_Written from the perspective of Weiss Schnee_

* * *

"Look, Ruby. It's simple.," I said through the sniffles. "You gotta take this… and… and…"

"And…?"

"Shove it up my… you know… my… _achoo_!"

I was laying in bed, hair down and in my gown. A dastardly common cold had struck me down with terrible vengeance. If I am to become the greatest huntress ever produced and bring honor to my family, I must excel in all my classes… but first I must attend them.

And defeat this stupid cold!

"Shove it… up where…?"

"Ruby. Do you know what a suppository is?"

"Nope!" She said cheerfully with a smile. As cute and adorable as my team captain is, she lacks basic knowledge. Alas, the curse of the plebeians.

"It's medicine."

"I'm following so far."

"And to administer it to someone… you need to push it…"

"Down their throats?"

"More like up their…"

Ruby tilted her head cutely.

"Is this something I should get Yang and Blake for…?"

My face paled more than ever. "No! Absolutely not!"

Ruby sighed.

"So what do I do Weiss?"

I explained. I explained slowly. I saw Ruby's smile slowly flatline before her mouth began to open in horror.

"-and then you go wash your hands afterwards."

Ruby looked at me in horror.

"O-Okay then… l-let's do this…"

I sighed. Assuming the position, I handed Ruby the medicine. It was just a suppository. No big deal. "Make it quick. Don't think about it."

Ruby nodded. She closed her eyes. I buried my face in my pillow. I'm sure it was as red as her cloak.

"I'm… putting it in now."

Something went in…

"Ruby."

"Y-yeah, Weiss?"

"Wrong hol-nevermind."

* * *

_Cure for the Common Cold Fin_


	3. Of Fertilizer and Bumblebees

**Summary: **_Yang tries to recruit Blake in giving Ruby 'the talk'_

**Of Fertilizer and Bumblebees**

**RWBY**

* * *

"Look, Blake-y… I need your help… you're my only hope. I'm going to give Ruby _the talk_."

Sitting on her bed, Blake put down her book and looked up at a flustered Yang.

"The talk? As in… _the talk_?"

"Of flowers and bumblebees…"

"What… spurred this on?"

"She found _my stash_, woman!" Yang threw herself on top of Blake, nose to nose. "She. Found. _My. Stash_." Despite being at point-blank range of Yang and her twins, Blake showed no emotion whatsoever. "You know that this kind of stuff is divided into three categories?"

"Three?"

"Yeah," Yang nodded as she removed herself. "The first is the stuff that would make your grandmother cry. The second is the stuff that'd make your dad barf. And the last kind… the kind that Ruby found…"

Blake leaned in, curious as a cat.

"And the last kind is…?"

Yang sighed.

"The kind of kinky stuff normal society would find _unforgivable_."

Blake leaned back.

"Like leather and whips?"

Yang shakes her head.

"Uh… ball-gags and wax?"

Yang's face grows beat red. She shakes her head. Sadly, no again.

"What… could it be then…?"

Yang crawls besides Blake and whispers her deepest, darkest, most unforgivable fetishes.

"Wow. Okay. Good luck, you're on your own."

Blake walks out of the dorm.

"B-But Blake," Yang cried out as the door closed behind her. Who can she turn to now in this moment of crisis? If Yang doesn't work quick… then Ruby might… she might…

The door bursts open.

"Yang!"

"Jaune?"

"_Ruby trying to eat my poo!_"

* * *

_Of Fertilizer and Bumblebees Fin_

**Author's Notes: **_I'll take requests. _


End file.
